LYING LARRY...

So tonight I get to meet "Lying Larry Last name withheld" His name is fitting as you will see here.

I show up for a "vehicle theft in progress" and out walks Larry. Larry is attempting to steal a 1988 Honda Prelude that has-- a flat tire, no ignition, half the dash missing and the "sunroof" is gone (it has been pouring for the last four days) and now the car is full of water with leaves floating in it.

Larry tells me "John -in jail- told me I could get this car" Larry doesn't know anything else about "John" except he's in jail.

I ask him for I.D. He tells me my name is Larry Thomas and my birthday is x/x/1962. I says to Larry "Do you have a driver's license?" to which he replies "I'm from Tennessee". ???

I again ask "What state is your I.D. from" and he tells me "I've never had an I.D. ever..."

I play the name game for a while and get no record of him from anywhere. I go back and ask him "How old are you?" and he replies "forty".... born 43 years ago but only forty years old..hmmmm....

So we then proceed to tell him "If you were born in 1960 you would be forty five"....and he finishes the sentence "right, but I was born in 62 that's why I'm forty"

Obviously Lying Larry hasn't got it right in the last forty three years oh yea and he's actually only 38 years old.

There's a reason they call drugs "dope".

Proper discipline...

How about this one (my fellow officer had this fine contact):

A guy, despondent and depressed about life, is standing at the side of a bridge on the outside of the rail. He says he want's to die.

The police arrive and contact him. He is yelling "Don't come any closer".

They finally strike up a conversation and he makes one of his demands for a pen to write a suicide note.

The officer hand's him the pen.

He immediately puts it in his hear, holds his palm up to it and starts yelling to everyone "Get back or I'll shove it all the way through". :-o

A State trooper asks for assistance after stopping a car. I arrive to help. He has two people in an old red mustang convertible with a bale of hay hanging out the trunk. He tells me "I can't I.D. these people" and asks if I know them. I don't recognize them but decide to try to I.D. them.

I ask the lady, obviously high on meth, what her name is. She tells me her name "Jane Doe" (names changed to protect the unintelligent). I check and get no record back. So I go through the same story with the guy in the passenger seat.

We have the two step out of the car and tell them that since they are driving with no I.D. the driver is under arrest.

As I get ready to search the car for I.D. the lady says "Don't open the door, the dog is real vicious"(there's a Rottweiler in the car too). I explain to her since we cannot I.D. them we have a legal right to search the car. She again tells me "He's very very vicious".

After talking a while we finally get their real names and they both have warrants. (Go figure)

I now call for animal control to come out to take control of the "very very vicous" Rottweiler.

The girl tells me "you can't take the dog, it's my daughter's dog". I explain to her since I can't take the dog with me I still have to have animal control come out.

After animal control gets the dog in their truck we search the car and find numerous syringes, some still with stuff in them.

I go back to the car and ask the girl "Whose needles are those" to which she quickly replies "The dog has diabetes"??? I give her the "Do I look that stupid" look and she says "Serious".

I tell her she is still under arrest and the dog will be able to be picked up at the animal control office.

She starts pleading to not take the dog and says "It's my daughter's seeing eye dog"???

So now I'm hooked.... and have to ask "What agency in their right mind would give a vicious diabetic rottweiler to someone as a seeing eye dog?".... "Why would they give something like that for your daughter to use as a seeing eye dog?".

The lady replies without missing a beat and cries "Because she's deaf!!!".